Season 05, episode 05
“The Grooming of the Good Girl”
with Dr. Michelle McQuaid
Dr. Michelle McQuaid (Wellbeing Researcher & Teacher)
Research shows that by the time a girl reaches age 11, she has built the belief system that you earn love by pleasing others. But as we know, a life built around that sentiment, is destined for poor mental health when your internal reward system is - put others happiness before your own, to please and ‘be a good girl’ in the eyes of the community around us. Dr. Michelle McQuaid spent years of her adult life ticking the boxes of what we are told will provide us fulfilment and happiness - a great career, good financial income, getting married and having children and once those boxes were ticked, life will set and fulfilling. But what happens when you tick those boxes, yet you find yourself ignoring your inner voice in the sacrifice to achieve them and side-line your mental well-being to keep it on track? Dr. McQuaid found herself exhausted, burnt out and deeply unhappy and it came to a point after her midlife, where it was time to stop and look at how did she get here, and why was she so conditioned to ignore her sense of self to achieve the ideals of others. So we sit down with Dr. McQuaid, an Honorary Fellow of the Centre for Wellbeing Science at Melbourne University, blogs for Psychology Today, and has been featured in Forbes, the Harvard Business Review, the Wall Street Journal and more to unpack what she has learned through research around the grooming of good girls and it’s impact as the good girl grows into a women.
“You only have to scroll Instagram for a few minutes to see there is a lot of ‘performing’ going on… we’re still feeling that we need to perform to earn love”
RESOURCES
The booked that shaped Dr. McQuaid’s childhood for better or worse :
The Golden Book ‘Good Little, Bad Little Girl’
Author - Esther Burns Wilkin - Eloise Wilkin - Illustrator
Dr. Michelle McQuaid’s Books that help us recognise and evolve from trying to be the good girl for everyone else:
A book for girls by Dr. Michelle McQuaid – ‘The Perfectly Imperfect Little Girl’
The Perfectly Imperfect Little Girl is a subversive adult storybook that flips the script on traditional tales. Through evidence-based insights like pretending to be perfect is never worth the cost and pleasing others is not why we are truly loved, this book captures the real, relatable experiences of women choosing authenticity over approval. Written to make you laugh, cry, and say f*ck yes! It celebrates the messy truth of being human.
‘The Perfectly Imperfect Women's Journal: Tools To Set Yourself Free Of Your Good Girl Beliefs’ By Dr. Michelle McQuaid
The Perfectly Imperfect Women's Journal combines cutting-edge research with heartfelt wisdom to help you break free from these exhausting expectations. Drawing from studies with thousands of women worldwide and decades of scientific insights, it provides 36 evidence-based tools to help you embody your unique self.
Playful prompts to help you ditch perfectionism and embrace the joyful journey of learning and growth
Research-backed practices to build unshakeable self-compassion and trust in your inner wisdom
Gentle somatic exercises to release old patterns and reconnect with your body's natural knowing
Clear strategies for setting healthy boundaries without guilt or apology
Practical tools for speaking your truth with both courage and care
Real stories from women worldwide who are breaking free from ‘good girl’ expectations
Evidence-based approaches for choosing when to conform and when to resist based on your unique circumstances
Listen: The Good Girl Game Changers Podcast
Helping women break free of their ‘good girl’ beliefs with practical evidence-based tools to embody their unique selves.
Subscribe to Dr. Michelle McQuaid’s Substack profile!
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Dr. McQuaid’s substack offers updates and tools on how to be ‘Uniquely You!’
Dr. Michelle McQuaid’s website: