episode 43
“Connected & Supported: Empowering Families in the Digital Age”
with Dr. Charlotte Keating & Dr. Billy Garvey
Dr. Charlotte Keating and Dr. Billy Garvey
@drcharlottekeating @drbillygarvey
You may have heard or seen headlines lately with the concern over the impacts of social media on children and Anthony Albanese’s recent announcement about age regulation and policy reform for when children will be legally able to access certain social media apps. These are all steps in the right direction, but what do we do in the meantime? And really, in the wise words of Clinical Psychologist – Dr. Charlotte Keating - without trying to implement some foundational and fundamental skills to your child’s life, and your families – who is to say when they do turn 16 they will be ready to handle the world of online and social media? Further to this, Developmental Paediatrician Dr. Billy Garvey concurred that we don’t just give our children a car license and the keys and say – drive! We start children with their Learners Permit and sit with them whilst they learn to drive, before they earn their license and the right to drive alone. This week’s episode was a special one to Not Super. Woman, as we hosted our first community live event and had the privilege of both Dr. Charlotte Keating & Dr. Billy Garvey uniting to combine powers and give parents, their children and family units guidance on what are the steps we can take now, and rather than trying to find the silver bullet solution in the outside world. Let’s start with looking within our own homes and the things we can control, as there is a lot we can’t at the moment but we have time that can be spent well, whilst we wait.
DR. CHARLOTTE KEATING’S TOP TIPS
Check in with yourself and your energy levels. Sometimes devices or technology use can feel a bit like a substitute babysitter and a sign of feeling exhausted. If you find that you’re reaching for your device as a form of entertainment more often than you would like, it might be worth considering ways you can increase your energy and stamina, by reviewing your self-care routine.
Remember, you get to choose what you, as a family, value, including specific opportunities, activities and experiences that promote healthy development. It’s important for kids to be engaged in meaningful and positively impactful experiences for their social, emotional and physical development – this includes rest and relaxation too – and being bored! Boredom develops initiative, and sparks creativity.
Modelling effective emotion regulation. As adults, we can often use our devices to regulate our emotions. If we are feeling anxious, stressed, or in the middle of a stressful conversation, we can pick up our phones as a distraction. It’s important to demonstrate other ways regulate emotions to kids. If you find that kids are using their devices to emotionally regulate, it’s a red flag to find other ways to regulate effectively. Understand what they’re doing, and why, and work on exposing them to alternatives. For example, getting into the habit of labelling the emotion felt out loud, and then identifying what might feel good in the moment to try and shift it - problem solving, mindfulness meditation for 5 minutes, a cuddle, colouring in, doing a puzzle, running with the dog, kicking the footy etc.
Have a family technology agreement. Have an open family chat about devices to help navigate agreed boundaries and make sure to check back in on how they are going. Having a no tech zone in bedrooms is great, and a basket for everyone’s phones at the dinner table too. See the Beacon App, for ways to navigate this conversation. The adults have to be on the same page and be consistent in modelling the agreed behaviour to.
Find ways to delight in your children’s passions, to connect with them, and build their self-worth. Delighting in your kids develops connection and builds their self- worth and self-esteem. When it comes to anything they’re into, get into it too. Online content like who or what they watch on Youtube, games, friendships, drama, sport, craft, music etc. Have your kids teach you about it and ask them “What do you love most about this?” “How does it make you feel?” This helps you delight in what they value, so they feel valued and worthwhile.
Think about small achievable goals at home to have tech boundaries
At night move your phone from charging in the bedroom, to a station in the kitchen or near the front door.
Have a basket at dinner time that you all put your phones into and remove the temptation.
How to manage Toxic Trends
Ask your child where did you learn about this? But the key is listening versus reacting. Try to understand their thought process in how they are making their decisions.
Ask in a way that encourages your child to critically assess where they have gathered their information, if they know it to be accurate or inaccurate, helpful or harmful? Guide them into assessing their decisions.
Reflect together and discuss together, so the next time they remember how to review and make more considered decisions about how to engage or disengage.
Non-Parental Mentors and their importance in your child’s life
The evidence shows that a protective factor in supporting a child in their upbringing is by having 2 non-parental adults in their life, take a genuine interest in their upbringing. So remember, figures like their educator, plays a huge role.
So form a partnership with your child’s teacher and ask your child’s educator - “How can I help you, help my child?” It’s not the other way around.
TOP TIPS
Read
If you noticed your own attention has been stolen by devices, but you want to make a change to take back some control – here are Dr. Charlotte Keating’s Recommended reads:
“Stolen Focus” By Johann Hari
Why you can’t pay attention
“Atomic Habits” By James Clear
An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones
Dr. Charlotte Keating’s Recommended Digital Support Resources
Beacon Cyber Safety app
Co-designed with input from parents, carers and cyber safety experts including the Office of the eSafety Commissioner, Beacon provides families with trustworthy, practical resources to help them confidently navigate their children’s technology use and reduce associated harms. Families receive content tailored to their needs – including articles, videos and alerts – from a comprehensive library of strategies and tips to help address challenging issues such as screen time, gaming and cyberbullying. The content is regularly updated in response to changing Australian societal and online trends. Beacon also has the option for creating a printable, family agreement when it comes to how your family uses technology. You can access it via the ‘Family’ menu at the bottom of the app.
Commonsense media
Ratings and reviews of TV, games, books, podcasts, apps, Youtube, and movies for specific ages.
Be an esafe kid
Australia’s esafety office, is Australia’s independent regulator for online safety. This particular content, is an initiative of the esafety office, providing animated messages about how to be safe online, with values of being kind, safe, curious (critical thinking skills) and secure.
Media literacy skills – esmart, Alannah and Madeline Foundation
Media literacy lab is an education tool. Developing media literacy, and critical thinking skills, helps kids become discerning of information and misinformation. It uses gamified principles to engage young people in skill development. This may be available through your school.