Episode 3 - “Making Sex Sexy Again” with Chantelle Otten

Episode 04

“Making Sex Sexy Again” with Chantelle Otten

Chantelle Otten @chantelle_otten_sexologist

Award winning sexologist and author of “The Sex Ed You Never Had”

Bec and Zoe chat about how sexpectations can become the elephant in the room in long term relationships. And how there seems to be a large disconnect between the reality of long term relationships and ones individual inner desire for excitement and passion. So they invite Award Winning Sexologist and Author of ‘The Sex Ed You Never Had”, Chantelle Otten, to talk them through psychology of why this might happen, and practical ways to break the cycle of disconnection, the connection between social media and body confidence, as well as how we need to stop thinking of sex toys as intimidating but really condiments to add to your favourite meal to create excitement again.

“Put sex in your partners diary”

(But don’t accidentally put it in the office online diary!)

Interview Top Tips

Remember - Set your conversational boundaries! Make the change, to change the direction of unhealthy or unhelpful conversations, by reminding your friends ‘I don’t think this conversation is really serving any of us’.

How to talk about sex with your partner:
There is so much method that should be put into these conversations. For example, don’t have the conversations in bed when you are about to have sex, it’s not easy, but here are some suggestion on ways around bringing it up with your partner:
- If you don’t enjoy talking about it, start by writing a letter mentioning what you enjoy or want to explore
- A good place to chat is in the car when you’re contained but also dual focused, so it lowers intensity
- The compliment sandwich “I love when you do this… would love to work on this… thank you for doing this”
- Forward one of Chantelle’s social media posts that interests you, to your partner with your intentions. Eg. I’d love to try this on Saturday morning when the kids are watching TV
- Put sex in your partners diary, but don’t accidentally put it in the office online diary!
Child free getaways – Once is year is not enough… prioritise more smaller getaways to grow connection.
Date night - Remember to separate the two. Don’t go to date night dinner to enjoy a good restaurant and put the pressure on yourself to perform after. Make a Sex Date Night and then a Food Date night. Make more little dates rather than putting so much pressure on one big date night!
Let’s chat porn – if it’s your thing, or you haven’t watched it, the industry is evolving and now ethical porn is the way to watch. Ethical porn assures you the following:
- filmmakers are fairly paid
- the films are made in a safe consensual respectful environment
- it shows real sexual pleasure
- Diversity across body size, shape, diversity and race
- Quality and ethical porn is not free, usually you need to pay or have a subscription, but it helps sustain safe practice for the industry, and surety for the viewer.